I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
