big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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