so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
