Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
