Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
