Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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