This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I did not marry a roomba.
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