She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
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