whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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