Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
