wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize
