no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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