my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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