Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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