sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
