It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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