There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Randomize
