I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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