Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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