A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
