The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
