Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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