Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
