So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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