I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
