My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
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