Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
