Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up�
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
