woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Randomize
