Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
