I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
