I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
