Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
