Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
