her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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