I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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