if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
