i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
