My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
