GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Randomize
