I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Randomize
