he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
