evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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