his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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