Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
