walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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