Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
