K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
