Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
