You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Randomize
