You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
